Life is not random or co-incidental. We each have a curriculum, life plan, soul contract. From the get-go events, experiences, and trauma set us on our path.
As infants we subconsciously learn that we are not perfect, whole, and complete. Certain behaviours are encouraged, others discouraged. This is no judgement on parents. It’s the way things work. The best parenting advice has proved not to be so. Trends come and go. If left to cry ourselves to sleep, we may have learned that our needs are not important or will not be met. Perhaps we learned to be good, work hard or perform to be accepted, or loved.
This is a shock. We are dependent on the approval of others to get our needs met and live. To cope we subconsciously split into parts.*
- The Wounded Self – feels it is not perfect, rejects aspects of the Healthy Self and takes on a false ‘acceptable’ persona.
- The Defended/Survivor Self – ensures we survive. Its role is to protect us through this false identity and hiding the Healthy Self. This is done ferociously and persistently.
- The Healthy Self – is non-judgemental, compassionate, deeply present. The destination of our healing journey.
Our protector/defender self does such a good job we forget about our wounded self!
The Defended Self kept us safe by shielding our true nature from the world. What a gift! It developed when we were young and acts from that place. This explains childlike responses and reactions that seem greater than the situations warrant.
It has done a great job but now it’s outdated patterns, limiting beliefs, and judgements keep us stuck or plays out the same old stories. It blocks the gateway to the Wounded Self – the root of the issue.
Developing compassion and befriending the Defended Self is the key. When it feels safe the nervous system calms, relaxation and rational thinking become accessible. We can then see beyond the drama/trauma/story that plays out.
As the barriers come down, we start to become aware of ‘defended/buried’ emotions. This can be tough. There is a reason you were protected from them. But it is not necessary to go into trauma, or relive events. Objective awareness creates a connection to the energy – as if watching a video rather than having a lead role. The energy can then be transformed, transmuted and new habits created. This is where I find yoga so valuable.
Conscious Yoga gives the opportunity to get to know our Self through the body. This is more accessible, and success orientated. Mindful movement, breathing, stillness and all the other yoga tools present an opportunity to get to know the Self more deeply. ‘Yoga is a journey of the Self to the Self’ – unity of all parts of self, unity with the cosmos, all that is. On the way we become aware and have the opportunity to accept all our parts with compassion from our Healthy Self.
I support conscious women ready and willing to do whatever it takes to overcome their wounding and trauma to live with purpose and joy. Sessions are on Zoom and include movement, mentoring and mindfulness.
*The 3 Selves by Franz Rupert
